The Time. I Decided. Enough. Is F-ing Enough.

Prettiness

I have been thinking about this post all last week. I have been trying to figure out how to word it. So I don’t sound like a bitch. Or give negativity any life. But I can’t stop thinking about it. Stewing over it. And not saying anything about it. Well. Feels wrong.
It all started on twitter.

Yellow Leaf Heart

I was skimming through my twitter feed. Nothing unusual about it. Recipes. Running. News. Inspirational quotes. And then there was a tweet that one of my followers responded to that instantly made my blood pressure hit the roof. In part the tweet said “women, you don’t gain muscle mass that easily and definitely not by lifting 5lbs”. At first I thought maybe I was taking it out of context, so I followed the link to a post. Nope. Not out of context. Um. Are you f-ing kidding me?

Heart On a Leaf

A blue moon ago. I was lifting 5 pound weights. Which meant I made a commitment to get stronger. I made a commitment to be a better version of myself. And part of that journey started with lifting 5 pound f-ing weights. And what upset me the most about the tweet was. There is a person out there beginning their journey to be a better version of themselves. With five-pound weights. They don’t know what it feels like to look back. To see progress. To lift heavier weights. And I know that lifting those 5 pound weights. Will one day. Be totally worth it. The part that upsets me the most? There is a person out there who will be skimming through their twitter feed. See the tweet. Read the post. And decide lifting 5 pound weights isn’t worth it. And just give up on their journey to be a better version of themselves.

I didn’t respond to the tweet. Honestly I couldn’t think of a thing to say that would not breathe life into the negativity.
So I let it go. And went about my day. Until another interaction brought it up again two days later.

Red Heart

We had longtime friends over for a BBQ. By longtime friends. I mean 20 plus years. I was in their wedding. Before kids friends. She started running about a year or so ago. She runs to lose weight. Get in shape. And has participated in a number of races including a 10k. She is currently training for her first half marathon. We were talking about running. Training plans. Running in the hot ass weather we have been having. And she told me she was out running a while back. And someone driving by threw a water bottle at her. It missed hitting her in the head by mere inches. Um. Are you f-ing kidding me?!

At first I laughed. I tend to do that at the wrong times. Then I tried to see something positive about it.
“Was it hot out?”
“Maybe they were trying to be nice?”
“NO” she said
They were laughing and clearly trying to hit me with it”.

I felt awful for her. At the same time, I was so proud of her for not cutting her run short. Giving up on running. And giving up on becoming a better version of herself. Running is hard. Getting out there to run is even harder. But having a water bottle thrown at you? She had every reason to quit. And there is a person out there who may have already quit because some a-hole thinks throwing a water bottle at someone running. Is f-ing funny.
Later that evening I started writing a post. But it just ended up being a rant. That gave life to the negativity. Which is exactly what I didn’t want to do.

So I let it go. Again.But not for very long.

Heart Shadow

Until I was skimming through my twitter feed and saw a tweet from Runner’s World…….

“Have you (or someone you know) fallen victim to these top 10 running fashion faux pas?”
You can see the post here
Um. Are you f-ing kidding me?!

And I lost it.
@runnersworld I run. I wear what I want. I don’t give an F what anybody has to say about it. Every runner should do the same. End of story.

Here’s the thing. I prefer wearing shorts when I run in the pouring rain. Most of my shorts are very short. And if I was a man. I would run shirtless in the rain. With longer shorts of course. I am also the queen of matching.Making fun of what people shouldn’t wear when they run. Isn’t funny. At least to me.

For me it goes back to that one person that wore what Runner’s World called a “victim” of a fashion faux”. Or probably more people. If we are being realistic. Runner’s World has 800k followers on twitter. And maybe those people didn’t think it was funny either. So they decided to give up on running. They decided to give up on becoming a better version of themselves.
And that really upsets me.
And yes. The timing of the tweet had a little something to do with why it upset me.
But that’s not the point.

Green Leaf Heart

The point is. When I see someone start running. Or walking. Doing yoga. Pilates. Or swimming. When I see someone decide to lose weight. To live a more active and healthy life. Or make a change in their life to become a better version of themselves. Whether they are my best friend. Or someone I barely know. I am rooting for them. Routing them when and if I can. I want them to see progress. To feel progress. I want them to be successful. I want the best for them. Because I know how it feels to embark on a life changing goal. I know how it feels to reach a life changing goal. And I desperately want everyone to know that feeling. Because the truth is. If I can do it. Anyone can do it. Which means I am no better than you. And you are no better than me. Our journey in getting there is just different.

Green Heart

When I see a tweet that is riddled with superiority. Or Ridicule. Or I hear about a water bottle being thrown out a car window at a runner. What I don’t see. Is a mindset that is giving inspirational fuel to someone else. What I don’t see is someone routing for someone else to see progress. What I don’t see is someone using their knowledge. And experience to help someone else get to. Where ever it is that person wants to go. Whether that person is starting their journey to be a better version of themselves. Or they are close to reaching their goal to live a more active and healthy life. Because the truth is. We all can use as much inspirational fuel as we can get. Because becoming a better version of ourselves is hard f-ing work.

Heart Rock

This superiority and ridicule? It’s got to stop. Enough is f-ing enough. I am better than this. Everyone is better than this. Each and every one of us needs to support one another. In a positive way. To become a better version of ourselves. And if we can’t be positive. Nonjudgmental. Or supportive. Then maybe we should just not say anything at all.

So how about we all. Make it a personal goal. To be authentic. Supportive. Kind. To take every opportunity we have to give others inspirational fuel on their journey of being a better version of themselves.

Stay tuned for a wrap-up of May in Photos. June goals. And more.

And yes. One of my June goals is to find a way to organize my blog. And my blog posts.
I know I have asked you before, but any thoughts on how I can do better? Nothing has worked so far and its driving me a little crazy.

Did you. Or are you racing this weekend?

What’s for dinner?

Until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss!

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60 thoughts on “The Time. I Decided. Enough. Is F-ing Enough.

  1. Bravo, Boss, as this is so well said, and I agree with you 110%!!! Too often, people are quick to judge and ridicule someone who is doing something that actually is positive, and that speaks volumes for the character of the person speaking, writing, tweeting, etc. the negativity. I applaud anyone who has the determination to go out for a run, hit the gym, perform in public, speak their truth, and so forth, no matter how they look doing it. The world is full of adversity and negativity, and we all need to be each other’s cheerleaders. If you cannot say anything nice, then opt for silence. Preach on . . .

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  2. NAILED IT! I get so tired of people, who are in a very different place in their journey, telling those of us at the beginning that what we’re doing will never make us better . . . It will not make THEM better, but it will make us able to take our fitness to the next level, which WILL make us better.
    No, a 15 second plank isn’t going to do sh*t for a seasoned runner, but it will for someone who is overweight and has never done one before.
    Awesome post. I may have put it on Runner’s World’s FB page . . . they needed to read it. That article of their REALLY pissed me off, too (although it must have gotten so much negative feedback that they took it off–I couldn’t find it on their page anywhere).

    Thank you for speaking up for all of us. As someone who had a car full of high school boys yell all sorts of nasty things at me (fatty, big ass, etc.) while I was beginning to run again, I know how it feels to be beat down at the beginning of a journey. It hurts. And when the journey is SO long, it seems so undoable. Anything to take us down unless we have cheerleaders–LIKE YOU.

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  3. OH
    MY
    GOD
    YES!!!!

    Two weeks ago I had a post called ‘the morons are out in full force this spring’, because of a few stories about women being harassed – and even touched – just for being women out for a run. And I asked all of my female friends – bloggers, Facebook, coworkers, whatever – and EVERY SINGLE ONE who runs has been cat-called or otherwise harassed. Unacceptable.

    This past week I wrote guest posts about my weight loss and running journey, and so when you mentioned the 5 lb weight thing it really bugged me – because EVERY journey has to start somewhere. And everyone starting that journey already has enough voices of failure in their head – they don’t need someone else telling them to give up. Ugh.

    When I was first getting serious about running and racing 2 years ago (preparing for my first marathon, at 46 years old), I came across some condescending articles about how people who don’t meet a certain pace aren’t ‘real’ runners. Arrgh! At my age I was more annoyed at the one writing, but for someone just starting out? That might cause them to quit or never try races or group runs. And miss out.

    The goal should ALWAYS be to support, encourage and broaden our community of runners and healthy eaters, NOT to ostracize people and make it feel like some elite club.

    Thanks so much for posting this. It is priceless.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I definitely have had my share this Spring running the trails, I will check out your post! 🙂

      And its so very true, that voice in our head is difficult enough to quiet, without the extra negativity, awesome reminder, I should have mentioned that in my post.

      The “real runners” makes my blood boil, I have never met a fake runner. Period! Congrats on ignoring the naysayers and getting out there to run!

      I couldn’t agree more, I am competitive, but not enough to make someone else feel like they are worthy, or capable of doing anything I am doing!

      You are more than welcome and feel free to spread the word! 🙂

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  4. I’ll never understand people who belittle where people have to start when they start an exercise routine. What matters is they are out there trying, not whether they are meeting somebody else’s standards. I’m also with you on the Runners World thing. It’s basically the same issue. Who cares what you wear or how you look. What matters is that you’re getting it done.

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    • Nor will I, it makes me upset and sad all at the same time!

      How is your cycling going? The temps have been less than ideal here, but I have sweated through a few runs to get my “running fix”. 🙂

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      • I bicycled for a couple of weeks and then stopped a couple of weeks ago. I had some issues to deal with that were affecting my energy level. I’ve done that, now I need to get back on the bike. The heat doesn’t bother me. So I’m going to try to start up again this week.

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      • Yes. When I was in my teens and early 20s, I would think nothing of playing tennis for a couple of hours in the afternoon. In the middle of the summer. When the temperature was 100 degrees.

        Must have driven my mother crazy.

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      • I grew up by the pool and swimming on the swim team, running track or whatever in the heat, it gets hot here, but we don’t get those high temps like you do. I have to admit though, I used to hate air conditioning, but as I’ve gotten “older” (notice the quotes because I am not admitting I am a grow up just yet) I do like me some nice cool air conditioning on a hot day. With a blanket over me if I am sitting or laying down though. 😉

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      • “With a blanket over me if I am sitting or laying down though.”

        Sound like my grandma … sheesh! 🙂 Seriously, my grandman was notorious for always having a blanket covering her legs regardless of how hot it was.

        Trust me, I’m a huge fan of air conditioning, but when I’m exercising or playing sports, the temp doesn’t matter to me.

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  5. Amen, sister. I try to remember that people adopt a superior attitude because they feel inferior, but honestly, I struggle to keep empathy for these jerks because they do such clear harm to others.

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  6. First, just a water bottle? I had a kid chuck a 2-liter of Coke at me a couple of years ago, and I was cruising at 22 mph on my bike! Missed me by that much 👌. I almost caught them at the light too but they ran it. That said, you’re right that it’s crappy but I never thought once about quitting. Who would!? You’d have to tag me something a lot bigger… Like a Buick.

    Second, women are emotional creatures and take a man’s no-nonsense approach to reality as criticism. Now, I don’t know the context (nor will I investigate it) or why it fired you up so much but what that guy wrote is technically correct. Allow me to add context on a different subject entirely: How often do people start walking to lose weight, a half hour a day, only to find out two months later that it’s not working – so they quit… Or they buy a nice bike and cruise around the neighborhood at 10 mph with the same result? Happens all the time. What they fail to grasp is that a walk, or 10 mph cruise is only the start! You’ll never lose weight with a 30 minute walk or a 10 mph ride a day. In fact, studies show that it would take a person 100 consecutive days, a half hour a day, to equal ONE of my daily workouts – ONE. The point is, at some point, people have to learn that the 5 pound weights are only a start. The walk is a great start, that 10 mph bike ride is a nice start… But that’s all it is. You won’t get stronger lifting five pound weights. You won’t walk yourself slimmer before you die, unless you drastically change your diet and/or (preferably and) pick up the pace.

    I know people who suck down two Gu’s for a 5k – and think they need that to maintain their 13 minute mile pace, not realizing that A) no they don’t and B) that they took in more calories than they’ll burn in the run!

    Now, what if I choose to keep my mouth shut and only “offer encouragement”? Six months down the road their weight loss has plateaued. They’re at 255, down from 260, their 5 k time is plateaued and they’re feeling dejected because they’re “doing everything right” so they quit and shoot up to 295? In my world I’m just as guilty for their failure – at least under your rules.

    I see your point, I do, but I also see the guys side too. The problem that I think you’re getting at is that fitness should be an “attraction rather than promotion” thing. I’m with you there, but the truth, no matter how much it offends, is the truth. A start is great. Now that’s out of the way, let’s take it to the next level.

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    • Oh wow, too bad you didn’t get em! I wouldn’t either, but there are some people I have seen who don’t have the same confidence in what they are trying to do as you and I. Or rather me “most of the time”. 🙂

      I love your take on it and I get that. It was actually another woman that talked about the 5 pounds, which is in part why it struck a nerve.
      My reality? I don’t “need” do anything active to stay thin. I can eat what I want and not worry about it. I don’t “need” to work on abs for a flat tummy. I am active and eat healthy because I want to be the best version of myself. But with that said, the motivation on tough days it takes to keep me going? And the confidence I have in myself when I see how far I have come? I think as a woman I can be positive and realistic to other women (and men) without making say, myself a blue moon ago lifting 5 pound weights feel inferior or worrying about what I wore during my first race after my heart stuff. I agree, we all start somewhere and are on our own journey and whether we give up is up to us. But that voice in our head already gives us plenty of reasons why we should give up. And the people who know better, because they have the wisdom or experience can lead by example in a positive encouraging way. 🙂

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      • That actually clarified quite a bit. Especially the part about “inferior”… I used to be ruled by what I thought others thought of me. Until a friend explained that this was nuts, that what others thought of me is none of my business. That lesson changed my life, knowing that there will be people who don’t like me or even who I am, and learning to be okay with that, fixed me (it really was that big).

        As for the clothing, I glossed over that on purpose. Cycling is WAY more clique’y when it comes to clothing… I mean it’s next freaking level, down to how high over your ankle your socks end…seriously. I started out with cheap everything, including cotton socks (a HUGE no-no) and my wife’s running tights for cold weather. The internet, had I let this be known then, would have swooped down on me and been merciless. You know what the guys at the club said (I was less than four months riding with them)? Nothing. Except stuff like “he’s really strong”… Now I look like a million bucks on my bike (actually like $6,000 which is what my bike and one of my five “kits” cost while I’m on it). The internet would approve but my friends treat me no better for it.

        Point is, my feeling less than – and there has been a time or two – is a problem with me, not them. Sure people can be jerks, such will be the way of things until the end of time. No amount of anger or truth will change that fact, so I say better to fix what I can change, me. Better to build up the dejected so the interwebz can’t hurt them than try to make the interwebz a safe (and BORING) place for them.

        That’s just my take.

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      • Oh my god. Cyclists and their clothing. Just shoot me. Please. I will never, ever be one of the cool kids when it comes to cycling. I’m perfectly happy in my biking shorts and a bicycling jersey that isn’t an advertisement for three different companies, mismatched socks, and a head covering that is equally mismatched. I’m out there to get some exercise and put some miles in — not to make a fashion statement.

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      • It’s interesting I have never cared what I wore running either, hence the reply to Runner’s World. However, I do have running friends who are at different levels with their running and for some of them it really matters to them that they have all the latest gear etc. To each their own right?! But I do think some of that pressure to “fit in” wear the best, not wear that, does give some people just another reason to give up on being a better version of themselves.

        On another note, big changes for me on the horizon. I’ll know more in the next couple days. In the meantime, thank you for your authenticity and your kindness! ❤

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      • Look forward to hearing about the big changes.

        Regarding the clothing — yes, it’s all just part of the dynamic. And, yes, some people have to make a fashion statement while they exercise. That’s fine, but they shouldn’t judge those who don’t care about what they wear. Let me put it a different way. I often say I sweat just thinking about exercising. Within 10-15 minutes of starting any form of exercise, I’m pretty much drenched. Under those circumstances, does it really matter what I wear. No, I’d rather destroy some ratty clothes than expensive, matching outfits.

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      • I don’t know where my long reply just went, but the point was, showing respect, free of judgement to someone else is important, because we don’t know why they are choosing to be active or where they are on their journey……and in my personal experience it can very hurtful in the moment. or a series of moments. Hoping my other reply shows up, it was way better, I need to go check if dinner will be edible, I totally forgot to put the timer on! 😉

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      • Completely agree and I guess my comments about cyclists wasn’t respectful of their need to look good when exercising. 😉 Enjoy dinner.

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      • Exactly, but without the whole “Fame” thing for me… No matter how awesome I am, I just can’t make that look cool. I’ll keep trying though. 😎😜

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      • I don’t mean to criticize people who take seriously their exercise clothes. I just don’t like the judgment that comes from some who do that. As though you can’t be serious about exercise if you aren’t also serious about what you’re wearing.

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  7. I agree with your post. Everyone needs to start somewhere. Whether it is 5 lbs weights or running a half mile, if you don’t start, you’ll never improve. Thanks for making me think… 🙂

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  8. Pingback: 10 Day You Challenge, A Great ‘Enough’ Post, National Running Day | Running Around the Bend

  9. Hmm…wading into dangerous territory here by commenting, because you know I adore you. I am with you about 80%…up until the Runner’s World thing, which I had read and laughed my ass off at. I can totally see your point, it’s just that I am such a sarcastic person (laughing at myself as much if not more than others) and thought the piece was funny. I am must cop to writing posts about people who annoy me during races (which included snarky comments about slow people lined up too close to the front and men who have braidable shoulder hair and wear tank tops). I’ve also meditated on are you a jogger or a runner and made fun of men in short shorts.

    I would never want humor to impede someone’s attempt to join our running community. It’s a big tent–everyone is welcome, right? I’ve made fun of my stretch marks and ass fold showing in my short compression shorts, and that stream running down my leg might be stress incontinence and not just sweat. I felt that the RW piece pointed out that editors disagree on matchy matchy and that the author thought shorts over tights was totally appropriate.

    Quite frankly, if a piece like that discourages a person from running, then I wonder if they are in the mindset yet to do what it takes to become a runner (which is all heart and not about speed)…and I would hope that they find the MULTITUDE of articles, posts, apps, etc. that will give them all the tools and encouragement they need to join our world.

    Also the comment on the weights is true, and I guess I just didn’t take it to be such a discouragement to beginners. It’s all in the mindset, obviously, and I know that it’s a fragile thing for people just starting the process of changing their lives (this coming from a woman who ran for five years before I thought I was “enough of a runner” to attempt a race.) But I guess I just didn’t think that the person meant it as a slam on those beginners who start by lifting soup cans in their living room.

    We all need motivation, and we find it in different ways, and some women need to hear that 5-pound weights won’t get them where they want to go.

    Having rambled, DON’T HATE ME! I STILL LOVE YOU! 😉

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    • Its funny, I actually thought of you and your post! I think the difference is, you are authentic and you have the ability to write a post and its downright LOL but you also share a part of you or make fun of something you do or have done that shows me and your readers everyone IS welcome in the running community. I hope that makes sense?

      And I completely agree, running is all about heart, but I also think its about self-confidence and that is what I was trying to convey, is when we haven’t been on our journey long enough to learn how to win the argument in our mind not to quit and when we don’t know better, we don’t see or hear all the encouragement, its that one post, comment, or whatever that is the loudest.

      “We all need motivation, and we find it in different ways” is so very true, I realized after writing this that the underlining issue I had with all of this had to do with my own experience. Being active and eating healthy is in my blood, I was raised that way, always been thin and never really knew any different. Honestly, I had a difficult time understanding why it was so hard. The when I started completely over with running after my heart stuff, not knowing if I would ever run again and still not knowing if I’ll ever run like I did prior,honestly for the first time in my life I understood why so many people fail with running, eating healthy etc. And I guess what I am trying to say is, I lost all my self-confidence in my active life and I believe so many people out there are at a place where they are building up theirs. And I know exactly how they feel. And if there is any way I can say or do anything to help even one person see they can do anything they put their mind too, then I will.

      Now you got me rambling…..;-) And I didn’t hate you for a second, I value your thoughts, I love reading your blog and learning more about you and love you too girl! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. The topic of how heavy a weight to lift is a favorite of mine, it reveals so much judgement that the outside world imposes on us.

    For context, I’m a 6′ 4″ 200 lb man. In a gym, if I want any respect, I better be throwing on a whole stack of 45 pound plates, grabbing dumbbells the size of car batteries, and maxing out my workouts and radiating testosterone for all to see.

    That’s not for me, I’m a 5 pound dumbbell kind of guy. When I first started out from the couch, I just did the arm movements with no weights. Then 3 pounds, then 5 pounds. I could increase more, but I’m good, I’ve been using 5 pounders for years. I love the muscle tone, the lean muscle mass, all the little individual stands of muscle fiber that have become distinctly visible, all from doing moves where I can concentrate on perfect form.

    Because it is relevant, I’ll include the fact that I also do body weight exercises like pushups, dips, and pullups, but the majority of my free weight action is with 5 pounds.

    Judge away!

    Like

    • Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on the weights! My trainer would absolutely love your mindset and the safe and efficient way you have built up and maintained your muscles! “Form” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard him and he’s shown me “form”. I have followed my trainers guidance for quite some time and prior to my injury, constancy and sticking to a training plan with the weights, I got the results I wanted.I am currently working on building myself back up to better than I was, the same way I did it before. And seeing all the muscle strands, or muscles I didn’t know I had, feels so, so awesome! 🙂

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  11. Very well said! I don’t understand the point of tearing other people down or criticizing their efforts (or their choice of running socks!). As far as the mean tweet, we all have to start somewhere. No one just wakes up in perfect athletic shape. I’m marathon training now, but at one point I could barely run an entire mile! It’s good to never forget where you came from 🙂

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  12. A fantastic post Kimmie! Too often negativity is all beginners hear from others, and from themselves. You are right! It is f’ing hard and people should be celebrated and high 5’d for making the tough choice to start…we both know that first step is the hardest. Use freakin’ soup cans for weights…they do it on 8 minute arms….use nothing….it all helps! I can totally understand the frustration and anger you must have felt reading the tweets and hearing your friends story.

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    • Thank you Courteney and its so true, that first step and the ones following are so difficult. Its interesting how what personally motivates us to start differs, but at some point we all need support and encouragement to keep going. 🙂

      Like

  13. Pingback: It’s. Apso-f-ing-lutely. Worth it. | Running To Her Dreams

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