At some point in our lives, we all will have our hearts broken. Or we will be faced with an experience that challenges every last fiber or our inner strength and optimism. At some point in our lives we may we lose our faith. Hope. Confidence. And we will truly question whether everything will turn out okay. Or whether we will ever will come to a place where we can put the most difficult challenge we have faced in our lives is behind us.
As most of you pretty awesome people know, a little over a month ago my Princess went through an experience that challenged every fiber of her strength. Shattered her heart to pieces. Terrified her. Broke her spirit. And she lost a piece of the innocence of being a young beautiful woman, she can never replace.
As a mother, when it happened. In the moment. And the series of moments that followed. I was in a place where I couldn’t take her pain away. I couldn’t do anything that would make things better. I wasn’t able to hug her. Hold her hand. Or wipe away her tears. All I could do was hold onto my faith so tightly. Every moment. And cry. For hours. That she would be okay. Because I couldn’t imagine it any other way. She had to be okay. And I felt like if I let go. If I loosened my grip on my faith. If I allowed myself to think for a second that she wouldn’t be okay, I would somehow change the outcome.
But we got through the worst of things. She was safe. She was physically okay. And the healing process began. Only it wasn’t just my Princess that needed to heal. I needed to heal too. For me, on top of the pain as the mother of my Princess, going through that experience opened up on old horrible painful wound of my own. With my own mother.
Let’s go back 25 plus years. Some of you will remember I have written about facing a situation where it was unlikely, I would live through the night. My mother was in a place where she could have tried to make things better. She could have hugged me. And she could have held my hand. For hours. But she didn’t. And she wasn’t there when I woke up and I was told there was no reasonable explanation. Other than a miracle. That I was alive. And from that moment, I hated my mother for years. Until I finally was able to find forgiveness.
Now let’s fast forward to going through the experience with my Princess. Since, I have realized regardless if I have forgiven my mother. As a mother, I would have given anything to be there for my Princess. And my own mother could have been there for me all those years ago. But she wasn’t. And I know. And I have been told. I will never be given an explanation that remotely helps me understand why. And whether I like it or not, I need to come to a place where I am okay with that.
But here’s the thing. I know I am a better mother as a result of my own mother’s shortcomings. I know that the reason Princess has nearly put the pain of her experience behind her, is I have given her the tools. No. Wait. I have shown my Princess how to be strong. I have shown her how to look at a horrible experience, take what she needs from that experience. Sift through the pain of that experience and find a valuable lesson. Find something to positive to take away from that experience. Begin to move forward. And leave the pain of that experience behind her.
And after a lot of thinking. A lot of yoga. And watching my Princess begin to move forward. I have realized the point of all this. You see, I will never understand why my mother wasn’t there for me that night 25 plus years ago. No. But her not being there forced me to learn how to be strong on own. And finding forgiveness forced me to find a valuable lesson in my own experience. And forced me to look for something positive in every challenge I am faced with. So even though I thought I couldn’t be there for my Princess, in the moments. Or series of moments a little over a month ago. I was there with her. Because I am a part of what helped her learn she is strong. I am part of her having the tools to begin to move forward. And she didn’t have to figure it all out on her own.
And I am forever grateful for that.
I am also grateful for being able to do Yoga. Aside from running, yoga is the only other thing I can do to try to make sense of everything that doesn’t make sense. To put the pain of an experience behind me. And move forward. So for the past month or so running has taken a back seat. Not for good of course. I just needed yoga to show me the way through this one. And to be honest, I have been struggling with feeling a motivation to run.I hope that will change soon.
And I am here to tell you. Yes. At some point in our lives, we all will have our hearts broken. Or we will be faced with an experience that challenges every last fiber or our inner strength and optimism. But what we do with that experience is up to us. We can choose to play a victim. Blame others. Hold on to negativity and allow that experience to hold us back from living the life we deserve. Or we can find the valuable lesson of that experience and use that lesson to be a stronger and a better version of ourselves.
How is your Thursday going? I have a ton of research to do for an assignment and the rainy, cold weather makes for a perfect day to get it all done.
Until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss!