Being parent is the most rewarding and sometimes the most painful job in the world. And if you are a mother. Or you are a father. You know exactly what I am talking about. It’s physically painful to watch your child feel sadness. Or pain. You want to make things all better them. But sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do to protect your child from hurting. Or being hurt. And you can be supportive. And you can love them. But at the end of the day, they need to find their own way. And you have to allow them to find their own way. As heartbreaking as that can be. They have to learn hard lessons in their own way. And sometimes, God or whomever you look to for spiritual guidance does not play fair. Or at least it feels that way to me in the moment.Or a series of moments. Or hours.
For me, as a mother, I am going through one of those times as a mother when my heart has been breaking. Over. And over again. Since I got into bed last night. Only to get a call from my Princess who was going through a difficult time and in desperate need of her mother. And I jumped out of my bed, into my truck and went to her. For the next 24 hours there were a lot of tears. Waiting. Anger. Tears. More waiting. The unknowns. More tears. An hour of what I wouldn’t call sleep, but it did give me a second wind. To stay strong. Because you have to stay strong for your children. No matter what. Even when you aren’t sure how your legs are holding you up.Even when you can feel your heart breaking. Over. And over again. And wonder how much more your heart can take before it raises the white flag and surrenders. But somehow you make it through the worst of things. Just as I did. I know it could be so much worse. And you know it could be so much worse. And for that, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. As a mother I was reminded that it doesn’t matter how old my children get. They still need me sometimes. The same as I still need my own mother sometimes. And that’s okay. My Princess is okay. She just needs to make some changes with the person she is “in love with”. And I know she will get through this. And my Princess will be okay. Her heart will feel less pain. So my heart can feel less pain too. But now its time for me to try to get to a place where I can just let go and allow my body to give in to sleep. And then, I will feel like, I will be okay too.
Until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss!