Buckaroo Wants A New Mother

Beautifulness

In the last couple days my skills as a mother have been in question. And not just by myself, by Buckaroo too. On Friday I discovered Buckaroo has been crossing the line. You know the one, the line between what he should and absolutely shouldn’t be f-ing doing.  Because he knows better. As a mother there are no easy answers. Or solutions. No. Mostly there have been a lot of tears, anger and an overwhelmingly large amount of disappointment.

Green Heart

Buckaroo also informed me he wishes I wasn’t his mother. He thinks I am mean. That I overreact. The latest choices he has made are “no big deal”. I am ruining his life. That he would be better off without me. And its somehow it’s all my fault. Which is all absolute BS. I know that. But it still hurts because I don’t want to hear any of those things. I want him to think I am mother who is funny. Loving. Amazing. Fun. And I want him to know that I one day I will be his friend. Just not today. Or tomorrow. No. For the next long while I am his mother. And I want him to want me as his mother. And agree with why I get upset with him doing things he shouldn’t. But no. He wants a different mom. And a part of me wants a different son. Maybe a son that doesn’t break the rules. Or still wants to hang out with me. I am talking about the son, my son Buckaroo that isn’t a teenager. Because as a mother, raising a teenager is difficult enough. I already know this. Not long ago Princess was a teenager. But throw in a teenage boy into the mix and everything I thought was difficult about raising a teenager? Well I was wrong. Its plain f-ing hard raising a teenager. 

Yellow Heart

I am sure Buckaroo thinks if I changed he would feel better. And I think if he changed I would feel better. But the truth is, there was a time when I didn’t want my mom to be my mother. But thinking I wanted a different mother never made my mother a better mother. It never made her do what I thought she should do. And it certainly never changed the things she did. It just made my life miserable. So I understand why Buckaroo doesn’t want me as his mother. But there isn’t much I can do about that. My job as his mother is not to convince him I am a good mother. Or one day I will make a great friend. That I do have good advice. Or hanging out with me is fun. No. My job is to be Buckaroo’s mother, whether he likes it or not. To allow him to make mistakes and be there when he faces the consequences. To hold him accountable for his choices. And to prepare him for the “real world” the best I can. My job as Buckaroo’s mother is to love him. And keep loving him, no matter what.

Heart Rock

So two days later Buckaroo is grounded. At this point for life. I have yet to come up with a consequence that feels like a relevant punishment for his choices.  And as I prepare for a new week, it feels similar to preparing for the last week. With so much unfinished business awaiting me. To figure out. Make sense of. To do. And to resolve. But I do know, allowing myself to think things will, or should, be any different from what they are, is not productive for getting anything done.  I am grateful things are they way there are. They could be so much worse. So I will continue to do the only thing I am certain of that helps me continue to move forward. And one challenge, one resolution and one step at a time, this too shall pass. For now, I am off to finish preparing dinner. We are having twice baked potatoes, salad and a roast.

What did you do this weekend?

What’s for dinner?

Until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss!

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38 thoughts on “Buckaroo Wants A New Mother

  1. Sometimes, parenting is absolutely heartbreaking and frustrating, and from one mom to another, I feel for you. I have no doubt that you are the best and right mom for Buckaroo and the he is the best and right son for you, and I know that you all know that, even though in those tough moments when it is not readily apparent. Take it one day, or even one minute, at a time. Hang in there, run hard, breathe deeply, and find your way back to one another.

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  2. I have an eighteen-year-old son still driving me crazy from 400 miles away while he rises or falls in his first semester at CSU Long Beach. I have an almost sixteen-year-old son. My oldest and I have butted heads for years and it only got worse and worse and worse through the high school years. The thing is that I refused to give up on the idea that it was my responsibility to be his father. I had to … had to … continue to try to teach him the lessons of life. To try to get him to step up, take responsibility, and get done what needed to get done. I think these days frequently that I went overboard, but then I try to think of how I could have done it differently. And I couldn’t have. It’s our job as parents to lead and counsel and … yes, sometimes yell and ground. It’s not our job to look the other way because we’d rather be their friends. Hopefully, that will come at some point in the future. But, even if it doesn’t, I know that I did everything I could as his father to get him moving in the right direction.

    I feel your pain. I feel your frustration. I sooooooooooooo feel all of it. You need to keep being the Mom you want to be and were meant to be.

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    • Thank for sharing your experience(s)! I somehow of landed the role as the enforcer so that adds a heavier weight to the mix. As difficult as it is sometimes I do not want to be Buckaroo’s friend as I have seen in other families close to me how that has its own set of consequences. Unfortunately I don’t think I can have it both ways until he is older and realizes the “why” of things. Its such a challenge to be a parent with everything our children are up against these days, it feels much more difficult than when Princess was his age. Thank you so much for your support and thoughts! 🙂

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  3. I’m not a mother yet…but I always thought (and read somewhere, pinterest maybe?) that if your child tells you that they hate you or they wish you were not their parent or something along those lines…then you are doing your job and you’re doing it right. It wasn’t that long ago, that I was a teenage and I couldn’t stand my parents. Now that I’m older and looking back, they may not have been the best parents at times, but they did it right.
    Hopefully with Buckaroo, its just a phase (that we all go through) and he’ll wisen up and cherish you.

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    • I think I have seen something on Pinterest about that! As much as it hurts, it is so true and I am holding on to that. I too hope this is just a phase and even better a short-lived phase. Thank you so much for your thoughts and perspective on things! 🙂

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      • I had to add here that my therapist used to tell me that if a kid feels safe to tell you they hate you, it’s most likely a good thing. Lord knows, I was too scared to ever tell my mother that!

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      • Oh my, yeah pot is a huge deal for me as well. Unfortunately it feels like there is a mainstream attitude that its “okay” considering all the “medicinal” purposes and trying to have it legalized here. However, its still not okay and a big deal for me! Thank you so much for your thoughts, I hope all this passes soon, tough few days in the mother department! 🙂

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      • Yah, my son tried to pull the “it’s common for kids these days to use it” which to me is the equivalent to everyone jumping off the proverbial bridge because “everyone’s doing it.”

        I ran some serious hills while dealing with my upset over this. I figured if I couldn’t shake sense into the teen, I could at least conquer the hills.

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  4. Sometimes dealing with family can be the most difficult times of life and sometimes the most rewarding. I hope all works out for you all and that things settle down again soon. Good for you to take a strong stand!!!

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    • You are so right, things have settled down a little, mostly because I haven’t figured out a punishment, which is unusual and now he is on his best behavior. Today he is home sick from school, so I hope to not only find a resolution but also have a little quiet time with him. I hope things are good with you! 🙂

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  5. Oh how I know how you feel. I keep telling myself it will be worth it, later on in life, when they have to turn me every three hours to prevent bed sores:). Keep up the good work….you’re a good mom!

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  6. Oh goodness…keeping you in my thoughts! Parenting is certainly not for the weak, but you have the right mindset. We will be their friend someday, but we do them no favors by taking the easy road in those formative years. And as you said, heartbreaking as it is, it’s not your job to convince him that you are good. Your job is to believe in yourself, your parenting framework, and your love for your children. Hoping that your dinner and a little time will bring some peace!

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    • Thank you so very much! I look forward to the day when things can shift from being a mother to being able to be a mother and a friend. I think I have a long road ahead of me but one day, hopefully sooner than later he will realize it is all in his best interest. Thank you again for your thoughts! 🙂

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  7. i’m having problems with my teen (a girl) as well. You are in for a long, hard ride, and there are no guarantees that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but you know yourself and what you need to do, and that you’re doing absolutely what’s in the best interest of your son, no matter how difficult. Good luck and my fingers are crossed for you.

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    • Oh heavens, I am sorry and I understand. Princess was a challenge at times (still is sometimes) and we somehow made it through it all. I wish the same for you and will pray and cross my fingers for you as well! ❤

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  8. Oh, I hear ya. My 18 year old decided to dabbling in pot last year, and as an alcoholic in recovery and mom, I thought I was going to lose it. He’s still grounded and he’s in college! We stripped his funds and he actually seems to get it, but he thinks I’ve totally overreacted and that it’s no big deal. Sorry kid, it is a big freaking deal. The crap coming out of his mouth sounded like what I heard from addicts in AA and rehab and myself.

    Any

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  9. Kids always seem to know exactly what to say to push that knife in. He will one day make that phone call to you, as everyone I know (including myself) has done, apologizing to you and thanking you, once he has his own child. Until then, carry on, momma…you’re obviously doing something right.

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  10. Oh dear heavens. Next time I have a tough run and am in pain and want to quit, you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to thank god I’m just running and not being a mom of a teenager! 🙂
    Thanks for reminding me that it was okay not to have kids. Thank goodness it’s someone like you that when she says no, it means no. Hang in there. I was the shitty kid, and I LOVE MY MOM more than anything. Heck we have her over on Saturdays for lunch now!

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  11. Kids…slap him up the side of the head like a boss – jokes! Ok maybe not a good time for jokes. I imagine parenting is hard and it probably gets harder with teenagers, but there will come a point where they grow up, realise how great you are, that you did your best with the limited resources you had and that you are valuable, loving, fun and the best mum ever. Really. I think that’s how it is because I am sure I was a brat as a teenager and my mum is the best. My husband was definitely a brat as a teenager (I met him as one) and today as an adult he makes his parents proud and respects them how they deserve. So you know…trying times, but give it some years. All that love will come through.

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