This was just over a year ago when my younger brother and I hiked to the top of Mount Saint Helena. It was a spur of the moment “let’s go hiking”, I wore the wrong shoes, overdressed and we didn’t bring enough water or fuel day. But once we were on our way to the top there was no turning back. Sweatshirts were stashed in the bushes and 5 miles later we made it to the top. How we made it back down in the heat without water still blows my mind.
Today that day feels more like 10 years ago. So much has happened since that hike. My brother was trying to put his heart back together from a torturous relationship and I, as I have always been was his rock. We talked nearly every day, ran, hiked and went to the gym together.
A few months after that hike he met someone. They had a baby. As of Sunday he is engaged. A friend mentioned his engagement, I knew nothing about it. Well it turns out he had announced it on Facebook earlier that day. Why am I not more excited? To be honest, I don’t like doing the math. But that is a whole other issue.It’s so out of character for him to not involve family in his life changing decisions. Not to mention telling Facebook before his family. At first I was angry. I mean seriously?! Then I just felt sad and very hurt. Today I realized that the relationship is similar to his prior one. He is shutting his family out and doing things that are completely out of character for him. Further, if he was at all interested or involved in my life in any way, he would know I don’t go on Facebook anymore. His “best friend” the Mr. doesn’t have a Facebook. So maybe picking up the phone or even a text would have been a little more thoughtful on his part. But it is what it is. It’s his life and I went from being angry, to very hurt to not really feeling anything. I just don’t care.
I know if I needed him or him me we will be there for each other regardless. But he also knows he can’t pull the wool over my eyes when it comes to him being genuinely happy. And I see right through him if he tries to lie about things. A year ago I knew the person at the top of that mountain. Last Winter and part of Spring, I still felt like recognized that person. Today I don’t even recognize that person at all. Yes. I miss my brother. The brother that couldn’t wait to tell his family big news. Especially to his big sister and youngest sister. She is still upset about it. But I don’t feel angry or sad anymore .I don’t care. And I have nothing to say to him. That is what makes me sad.
Have you ever been hurt by someone through social media?
What’s for dinner? I was going to do open faced sandwiches, but I decided to do them tomorrow. Tonight we are having acorn squash baked with butter and brown sugar, mushroom ravioli, salad and French bread. Maybe one day I will master “food photos” and start posting some of my recipes and meals.
Have you found a heart yet? I am still trying to come up with a smaller version of my big idea so I can begin sharing the ones I have already received. But as of yet, I haven’t been as excited about any of the ideas I have come up with. So for now, please, keep those hearts coming!
Until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss!