Tootsie Tuesday

We Made It!

This was just over a year ago when my younger brother and I hiked to the top of Mount Saint Helena. It was a spur of the moment “let’s go hiking”, I wore the wrong shoes, overdressed and we didn’t bring enough water or fuel day. But once we were on our way to the top there was no turning back. Sweatshirts were stashed in the bushes and 5 miles later we made it to the top. How we made it back down in the heat without water still blows my mind.

Today that day feels more like 10 years ago. So much has happened since that hike. My brother was trying to put his heart back together from a torturous relationship and I, as I have always been was his rock. We talked nearly every day, ran, hiked and went to the gym together.

The View From The Top

 

A few months after that hike he met someone. They had a baby. As of Sunday he is engaged.  A friend mentioned his engagement, I knew nothing about it. Well it turns out he had announced it on Facebook earlier that day. Why am I not more excited? To be honest, I don’t like doing the math. But that is a whole other issue.It’s so out of character for him to not involve family in his life changing decisions. Not to mention telling Facebook before his family.  At first I was angry. I mean seriously?!  Then I just felt sad and very hurt. Today I realized that the relationship is similar to his prior one. He is shutting his family out and doing things that are completely out of character for him. Further, if he was at all interested or involved in my life in any way, he would know I don’t go on Facebook anymore. His “best friend” the Mr. doesn’t have a Facebook. So maybe picking up the phone or even a text would have been a little more thoughtful on his part. But it is what it is. It’s his life and I went from being angry, to very hurt to not really feeling anything. I just don’t care.

Red Heart

On The Way To The Top Heart

I know if I needed him or him me we will be there for each other regardless. But he also knows he can’t pull the wool over my eyes when it comes to him being genuinely happy.  And I see right through him if he tries to lie about things. A year ago I knew the person at the top of that mountain. Last Winter and part of Spring, I still felt like recognized that person. Today I don’t even recognize that person at all.  Yes. I miss my brother. The brother that couldn’t wait to tell his family big news. Especially to his big sister and youngest sister. She is still upset about it. But I don’t feel angry or sad anymore .I don’t care. And I have nothing to say to him. That is what makes me sad.

Have you ever been hurt by someone through social media?

What’s for dinner?  I was going to do open faced sandwiches, but I decided to do them tomorrow. Tonight we are having acorn squash baked with butter and brown sugar, mushroom ravioli, salad and French bread. Maybe one day I will master “food photos” and start posting some of my recipes and meals.

Have you found a heart yet?  I am still trying to come up with a smaller version of my big idea so I can begin sharing the ones I have already received. But as of yet, I haven’t been as excited about any of the ideas I have come up with. So for now, please, keep those hearts coming!

Until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss!

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20 thoughts on “Tootsie Tuesday

  1. It’s amazing the similarities sometimes. Except my experience went the other way. My niece who is 21 and has been married for a couple of years, announced this past week that she is pregnant. She made a point of telling her family, including her grandparents and aunts and uncles, first before putting it on Facebook. It was really an incredibly thoughtful act on her part and speaks volumes about her and her husband. Your description of your brother just makes me sad, not necessarily for you, but for him. He doesn’t realize what’s losing because of his actions. It’s too bad.

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    • Yeah, there are many more details but I didn’t want to put them all out in cyberspace. I think that is part of why I am no longer hurt, I have faith he will figure things out and honestly I will be there when he does, but do not want to be part of the process anymore.

      And my daughter did the same when she announced her engagement before putting it on Facebook. In part that is what was difficult to try and wrap my brain around after the fact, there is quite an age difference between the two! 🙂

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      • It’s funny …. The niece who is pregnant? It’s her mom who has put the family through things like what your brother does. Over and over and over. To the point where the rest of us don’t talk to anymore. We just got tired of the lies and crap that came with her. Her daughter though is incredible.

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  2. How sad is that? I hope things get better for you and you are able to work this out with your brother. My younger brother recently moved to another state with his girlfriend. I’m not thrilled about that decision, but I am trusting his judgement and hoping for the best for him. I know it’s easier said than done, right?

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    • Thank you so much and I too have faith things will work out. It was difficult, I do not think being in a relationship with a person should compromise how someone treats family, but I also know he has to figure that and other things out on his own. 🙂

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  3. I had an issue with Facebook years ago that, like you, really hurt a relationship. That is the reason I don’t use it. I’m sad for you and your brother and I know how you feel. Time does heal many wounds. Maybe in time this situation will heal also. I pray it does.

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  4. You’re right to let it go (the issue with your brother) as painful as it is. Some people are just like that: they become so absorbed in the other person, they can’t “see” anyone else. I suspect he doesn’t mean to hurt anyone; he’s just acting like a self-absorbed teenager. All you can do is be there when he comes back around. Big hug!

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    • Great way to describe it! He definitely doesn’t appear to be “seeing” much else. It is a shame, but I know all I can do is wait until things reveal themselves and he is able to “see” things more clearly again! 🙂

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  5. It never ceases to amaze me how things like Facebook, which is ostensibly used to keep people connected, can be used to hide in plan sight and to avoid direct human contact and communication about things that should be shared in real life, not via a social network. Your observations about your brother sound spot on, and I appreciate you sharing your story, as I can relate. Keep being the BOSS in your life, and I hope that things work out for the best for your brother in his life.

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    • Yeah I agree, it is one of the reasons I stopped going on Facebook quite some time ago. I do “check-in” from time to time if I am feeling nervous when I am out running, but otherwise it has become something I do not want to waste my time with. I do think things will take some time to reveal themselves, until then, my life goes on and I don’t need any of the negativity. 🙂

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  6. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve never see announcements over facebook as opposed to being told first, but there are other family dysfunctions going on, lol. Like parents favoring the “screw up” (my brother) over the “good” child (me)…and this extends into the treatment of my own child. They do so much more for the one’s whose parents decide to continually make bad choices, than they even consider for my child. And by doing more, I mean spending time. So there are disappointments, just different ones. I say this, to tell you I understand the “I just don’t care” thought. That’s the point I’m at with them now. Hugs to you!

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    • Oh wow, thank you for sharing that and understanding, its tough stuff! I am still not caring much about it, I think as it plays itself out, all will be revealed and things will get back to normal. Hugs to you! 🙂

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