Tootsie Tuesday

Master's Graduation

This was a little over two years ago. My close friend graduated college with a Master’s in teaching. The Mr. and I are her son’s Godparents and we were both in her wedding. And we have countless memories, good and bad that we have shared over 20 plus years.  But the last couple years we have grown apart. Today I reminded of just how much our families have been there for one another over the years no matter what.

You see, as you have probably gathered by now, I am a positive person. I always see the bright side and I always look for the bright side in things. Sure I get knocked down once in a while. But that’s life.  I always know that no matter how awful things can seem or feel things could be worse.  But sometimes being such a positive person has its flaws. For instance my friend’s father was placed on hospice last Friday and even knowing medically what that means, I wasn’t going to even allow my mind to go “there”. I didn’t ask any hard questions. Nor did I really believe it. No really. I didn’t  I kept telling myself that things are going to be fine. And he would pull through. Why? I have experienced firsthand the power of prayer and miracles. And miracles happen every day. And I don’t believe the worst will happen, until it does happen. So rather than be sad over the weekend, I continued to think positive offer love and support and remind her to call if they needed anything.

Just a little while ago her father passed away peacefully, surrounded by her and his loved ones.  When I heard the news, afterwards I also learned something about myself. It really doesn’t have any relevance to our conversation, but does have relevance for how I tend to handle situations. And I hope I didn’t overlook or not hear something that was said because I was being positive. Because sometimes it’s the last thing people want to hear.  Sometimes people want you to know how much things f-ing suck. And while I understand that, I am not good at knowing when the right time is. To not be positive, when it comes to the challenges others are facing. Even in a time like this. But then how do you know when the right time is? I know when it is for me. How come I don’t see it in others? Do you think there is a such thing as being too positive? Does it come off as being intensive? Nonetheless, my heart is feeling heavy today and I will be there for her and her family in the coming weeks and thereafter,  no matter what.

Until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss.

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16 thoughts on “Tootsie Tuesday

  1. I think everyone is different and deal with things in unique ways. My husband is super positive no matter how bad things get and I love that about him coz it picks me up too and I can look back and say it helped even if in the moment I don’t get it. If we’re both feeling miserable all you get is a miserable and unhealthy atmosphere. I’m sure you showed love and empathy in your own way and it’s good not to write off ppl just coz they get a bad report. I don’t think she wanted to hear you talking about him as though he was gone already. All you can do now is support her in we grief. Don’t wait for her to call, but follow her up coz it might be hard for her to ask for love, company & support. (Sorry, long comment!).

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  2. I am so sorry for your friend’s loss, and at the same time, I am so glad that she has you there for support. You can be in tune with someone’s pain and acknowledge it while still being positive, and I know that you can and will do just that.

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  3. First, I am very sorry for your friend’s loss. Even when death is expected, the depth of grief often is not.
    When you’ve been friends for a long time, then you know that they are who they are. Continue to be your positive self because she probably expects that. But keep your ears open for any cues that she may want to express her sadness. I think it’s more important to let other people express how they feel than to try and find words that you think they want to hear. Usually at times like this, the best thing to say is nothing. Let her know you are there for her. Offer to make dinner or help her with an errand. But more importantly, just listen if she wants to talk and especially if she wants to say that “life f–ing sucks.” I don’t think you have to agree with her or even fully understand how she is feeling. A good friend just listens, without judgement and without trying to whitewash the experience. If you’re tempted to tell her that she’ll get over the loss in time, just bite your tongue. But I think the fact that you are questioning your own reaction to this loss shows that you are very sensitive to your friend’s needs, and thus you are exactly the kind of friend she needs. ❤

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    • Thank you so much for your kind thoughts! I agree not mentioning anything about getting over the loss, I have another friend who lost both her parents and I don’t know that she will ever “get over” it. I definitely am able to listen and provide support etc. Tough stuff! 🙂

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  4. It would be hard in this current world for me to think anyone could be too positive. There is so much negativity in this world, I think people are needing someone with positive insight.

    I’m sorry about the loss of your friend’s father. The fact that you will be there for her and her family shows a lot about who you are!!!

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  5. So sorry for your friend’s loss. Hospice is always difficult to accept, even though many times it can actually prolong a person’s life. I don’t know if it’s possible to be TOO positive. I think it may be when it veers towards being UNREALISTICALLY positive, as in denial and aversion to the truth of something. I am a very positive person as well, but I can also be bluntly honest. Maybe that’s a strange mixture, but honesty works best for me, even if the truth can be painful sometimes.

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