Five hours and 47 minutes of sleep since Thursday. The initial shock of things has worn off, replaced by more worry. My Princess is okay. By “okay” I mean she’s been resting and there haven’t been any more incidents. I have been checking in with her every few hours and offering support. And I took her to get something to eat earlier. She says she doesn’t feel good. But to me she just feels a million miles away.
I know there isn’t much more I can do. Well at least not until Monday when options for support and healing are open. But that doesn’t bring much comfort.
I decided not to share many details about what happened. Except how I feel and my perspective. I think it’s best, considering my blog is public. And lets face it, there are people that chose to be not so nice sometimes! But I will answer messages as I have done before. And I am still trying to catch up with all of you pretty awesome people so if I have missed anything especially important, please let me know.
Since running still isn’t an option, I have been trying to nurture myself in small ways today. A short walk. Watering my garden. Picking a bouquet of flowers for the house from my yard. Little things here and there outside to try to ease feeling so overwhelmed and worried.
I am a “fixer”. I look at situations and find solutions for myself and others. But I can’t “fix” this. Not because I don’t understand it, but it’s something my Princess has to work through on her own. I can offer support and love. And unless I am missing something, that’s all I can do. But it’s so difficult to feel like I can’t be doing something more.
Tomorrow is a new day. I have given up on trying to sleep. And I don’t want to take anything to help me sleep, for fear I wouldn’t hear my phone should my Princess need me. I am hoping at some point exhaustion will overtake worry, 12 hours will pass and I’ll wake up. And everything will still be okay.
I am not feeling very boss like. But I do know all this temporary. And just knowing that, I think is pretty close to boss like. As my mother would say. And said to me earlier, “this too shall pass”. And as difficult as everything feels, I believe her.
So until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss.