I haven’t slept in over 24 hrs. I received a call from my Princess’s fiancé yesterday stating she was threatening suicide and he didn’t know what to do. The Mr and I jumped in the truck and drove to her house. When we arrived it was apparent she was indeed threatening suicide, but was not actively and had not attempted to do so. Yet. She also was inebriated. It didn’t take long to realize the severity of the situation was far more than we could handle on our own. An ambulance was called. A police officer arrived and ordered the ambulance be upgraded to a “code 3” . Within hours minutes the ambulance arrived. The paramedics did a quick assessment and rushed her into the ambulance. I rode in the ambulance to the hospital with her. They made me sit in the front. But I could hear everything that was going on in back. I couldn’t hold her hand. I couldn’t try and comfort her. It was horrible.
At the hospital blood tests were done. Evaluations were given. And more. Hours and hours worth of more. I was terrified. My heart was breaking. But everything was out of my hands.
She is home now. And she is okay. Thank you God. The details surrounding the “why” of things are clear. And she will be okay.
As a parent nothing can prepare you for facing these sorts of challenges with your child. Especially when the situation is so out of character. I am SO grateful she is okay . I don’t think there are any tears left in me to cry. I am numb. I am exhausted. I am SO thankful she is okay. I am still in shock. My heart hurts seeing my sweet little Princess’s heart hurt. But I can’t take her pain away. I can only provide her with comfort, love and support. But I would give anything to take her pain away.
And I would give anything to be able to run about it. I need to slip away, just for a little awhile and run until I am in my zone and reality feels less overwhelming. And less painful.
I know my Princess will work through and move past this. I know she is strong. And I know I have to continue to stay strong for her. I am still sorting everything out. And I need to sleep. But I can’t. My mind is racing. My heart is still breaking. My heart hurts. And I f-ing need to run. But I can’t.
Until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss.