My Heart is Breaking. I Need To Run

Ice Heart

I haven’t slept in over 24 hrs. I received a call from my Princess’s fiancé yesterday stating she was threatening suicide and he didn’t know what to do. The Mr and I jumped in the truck and drove to her house. When we arrived it was apparent she was indeed threatening suicide, but was not actively and had not attempted to do so. Yet. She also was inebriated. It didn’t take long to realize the severity of the situation was far more than we could handle on our own. An ambulance was called. A police officer arrived and ordered the ambulance be upgraded to a “code 3” . Within hours minutes the ambulance arrived. The paramedics did a quick assessment and rushed her into the ambulance. I rode in the ambulance to the hospital with her. They made me sit in the front. But I could hear everything that was going on in back. I couldn’t hold her hand. I couldn’t try and comfort her. It was horrible.

At the hospital blood tests were done. Evaluations were given. And more. Hours and hours worth of more. I was terrified. My heart was breaking. But everything was out of my hands.

She is home now. And she is okay. Thank you God. The details surrounding the “why” of things are clear. And she will be okay.

As a parent nothing can prepare you for facing these sorts of challenges with your child. Especially when the situation is so out of character. I am SO grateful she is okay . I don’t think there are any tears left in me to cry. I am numb. I am exhausted. I am SO thankful she is okay. I am still in shock. My heart hurts seeing my sweet little Princess’s heart hurt. But I can’t take her pain away. I can only provide her with comfort, love and support. But I would give anything to take her pain away.

And I would give anything to be able to run about it. I need to slip away, just for a little awhile and run until I am in my zone and reality feels less overwhelming. And less painful.

I know my Princess will work through and move past this. I know she is strong. And I know I have to continue to stay strong for her. I am still sorting everything out. And I need to sleep. But I can’t. My mind is racing. My heart is still breaking. My heart hurts. And I f-ing need to run. But I can’t.

Until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss.


24 thoughts on “My Heart is Breaking. I Need To Run

  1. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. We are going through something similar with my brother and it’s so hard.
    Maybe knowing the why will help with the healing process?
    All the best to you and your family


    • Awe I’m sorry too! I am very hopeful knowing the why is going to help. Young love is so intense, as is being hurt by the one you love, I do empathize with her.
      All my best to you and yours as well, and I will add you all to my prayers. ❤


  2. So sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. I can’t offer a parent perspective but I have had my own mental health problems and there have been times when my parents have had phone calls from my housemates in middle of the night because they’re worried about my safety. The good news is that I have come through it and so will your daughter. I know it must be so frustrating for you because you just want to take her pain away, but being there for her is enough. Thinking of you all x


  3. My thoughts go out to you in these difficult times. It is always important for all of us, you, your daughter, myself included to remember. Whether things are going good or they are going bad that trend will change with some time. If you are out on the beach on a sunny day, drinking Beer with your friends, appreciate it as before you know it you will be back to the grind at work as the good times don’t last forever. The same is true when things are going bad, when you are in the middle of bad things it feels like a permanent reality, when the truth is with some time things will change for the better and whatever is causing you heartache will be behind you, the bad times wont last forever either. I hope you and your daughter can move back to better times soon.



  4. My heart goes out to you and breaks for you and for your Princess, and once again, I empathize you in unspoken, yet understood, ways. I have dealt depression and anxiety recently and as a young adult like Princess, and there have been times when suicide became a viable option for me. Just love and accept her unconditionally, and make sure that she receives the appropriate help. So glad that you all heard her cries for help, and now, may the healing begin. Love, positive thoughts, and prayers being sent to CA from KY!


  5. My heart is breaking for you as the mother of two children. My son had an episode years ago where he fell into a depression and called me. He sounded suicidal. I was over 2,000 miles away and thought I was going to go crazy with worry. It all worked out, it was a temporary situation, but it was HELL. Hang in there and know you are not alone.


  6. Thoughts of suicide are always difficult but when it is your child, it’s like nothing else. My son in now 35 with 2 young daughters but when he was around 20 it was very difficult for him. Suicide was on his mind when he called me a few times. It’s scary and as a parent, you don’t know what to do. I remember saying to him, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. I had heard it from someone else. He said to me a few years later that he thought of that when he was that down. I pray for you and your daughter through this time.


    • Awe, I am grateful he got through it and is okay! It is so scary and I think probably said “I don’t know what to do” hundreds of times throughout the peak of things. I have been on the medical side of it before, and I felt deep empathy for patients, but when it’s your own child….you are so right! And thank you so very much! ❤


  7. My thoughts are with you and your family. As a runner you know what a difference that little bit of time in the zone would make to your headspace. Last August our family went through a truly awful time and I really needed my running but it wasn’t there, I couldn’t run without pain and had to take time off. It couldn’t change the tragic event but It could have put me in a better headspace even if just for a short while. I really really feel for you. X


    • Thank you for your kind thoughts and understanding. And it’s so true, it’s been really a challenge not to be able to run, it helps with everything much so much! I did go for a short walk today but it’s just not the same.


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