Ever since I hurt my back about a month or so ago, I have been really trying to do better at listening to my body and not overdoing it. And I thought I was on the right track. I thought I was turning over a new leaf and actively changing a bad habit of not pushing myself and resting when my body suggested I do so. But my idea of not overdoing it, is far from what realistically not overdoing it means. Today I am paying dearly for what can only be classified as failure. Failure to listen to my body. Failure to slow the F down when my lower back reminded me all throughout the Father’s Day BBQ preparation and celebrating busyness. Ignoring the signs when my lower back tried me warn me when I was halfway done with my machines with the occasional twinge “stop, you are only making things f-ing worse!” Again. And again. Until I finished my workout. My idea of “stop” was skipping the sit-ups, burpees and push-ups. Not quitting stopping in the middle of my workout. I went for an easy run in the evening. Even though I know better. And I declared yesterday a rest day.
Only my idea of a rest day is far from what a realistic rest day means. For me, most of the time it doesn’t mean actually resting my body, it just means not running or working out. So I washed and cleaned my truck inside and out. I cleaned the house and did a little grocery shopping. I took Princess to get a kiddy pool for her pups. I took my father in law to drop off his car to get fixed. And took him back to pick it up when it was done. I watered the yard and trimmed my roses. And made a yummy dinner. By bedtime my lower back was screaming at me to f-ing stop. Which I did, but I know me; it was only because it was bedtime. What was I thinking?! The truth is I wasn’t.
This morning I felt better, but there is still a nagging twinge that shows itself when I move a certain way. Okay, more than a twinge. It f-ing hurt in a take my breath away, sort of way. I am angry with myself for failing so miserably at listening to my body. It’s a bad habit. But it’s what I know. I know I don’t thoroughly relax unless everything I want done, is done. My mother is the same way. My bestie sis and I both have a false idea of what resting means. But one of these times I don’t want to push so far that I can’t recover. That’s why I have been working so hard to change that part of myself. And I have been doing better. But it’s not good enough. I need to be in a place where that bad habit is in the past. I cannot have it showing up when I am not paying attention. Or I am really busy. So today I am resting my body. For real. Not my bad habit idea of resting, which is what I did yesterday. But honest to goodness the world is not f-ing going to end if I don’t get what I want done today, resting. So far I haven’t succumbed to folding the clothes sitting in the dryer or putting the clean dishes away. Or made a to-list for tomorrow. Nor do I have a clue what I am having for dinner or done any preparation for it. And for me, that’s progress.
Until next time, always be true to yourself and think like a boss!